Welcome to the U.K.
Well, welcome to England - specifically London. The capital city of our fair island nation.
If you’ve come to this section looking for tips and tricks about the London experience - you’re in the wrong place. Here you’ll find insider knowledge on how not to confuse your “apples n pears” with your “dog n bone”.
The Weather.
Lets get this one out of the way first - we love talking about it. Will it rain, has it rained, did you get wet because I sure did. Or, blimey isn’t it hot as the temperature nudges 23 degrees Celsius!
April weather in the UK is random as fuck! BE PREPARED! It’s not uncommon to have all 4 seasons in one day! We have a phrase “April Showers” when it absolutely buckets down, but can then be quickly followed by glorious sunshine.
Our advice - bring light layers so you can take off or put on as and when you need them. Also, if you’ve got a pocket sized umbrella, just bring it along - just in case!
The word “Sorry”.
This is quite unique to the British - we love saying sorry, for no reason! Trying to get someone’s attention, “Oh, excuse me, sorry”. On the tube trying to squeeze passed to get off, “Sorry, can I just get through”. We just can’t help ourselves, it seems to be a universally used word that gets us out of a situation. We’re not actually sorry in those given instants - it’s normally the other person’s fault anyway!
If we say sorry, don’t try and work out what we’ve done - Celebration would’ve been and gone by the time you’ve understood!
The Humour.
We have a unique sense of humour; Spike Milligan, Monty Python are all good places to start! If we “take the piss out of you” it probably means we like you, so just embrace it when we call you a “knobhead”!
Here are just some phrases you may come across on your travels…
“Might join you later” - You will NOT see me, I’m not leaving my house unless it’s on fire.
“Excuse me, sorry, is anyone sitting here?” - You have 3 seconds to move your bag before I end you.
“Perfect” - You’ve ruined EVERYTHING.
“Looks like you’ve caught the sun” - You look like you’ve been swimming in a volcano.
Drinking.
We like to drink - sorry but it’s true! Wetherspoon’s bars/pubs (cheapish establishments selling food and drink) have extended licenses so be prepared to witness pints being served with a full English breakfast at 10am!
General rule of thumb - don’t feel pressured. We’ll call you a light-weight if you dodge a round but we love you really! One other thing - “buying a round”; if out with a local and their friends, one person will generally “get them in”, buying all drinks for the group. The rest will then take it in turns to reciprocate. Don’t be a dick and shy away when it’s your turn - it’s just rude! Some instances occur where a group will break off into smaller rounds leaving you to group with like minded drinkers.
Don’t forget the British pint is also bigger then the US equivalent; you’ve been warned!
Tipping.
Tipping makes us Brits feel awkward - fact! So much so, that we pay our service industry a “minimum wage” or in London a “Living Wage”; a set amount that means tipping is generally used for it’s proper purpose; to honour excellent service!
Anywhere that has table service, there will normally be a discretionary charge (10-15%) already applied to the bill. You don’t have to pay it - but it has become the norm and most Brits will now pay this. Taxis, we’ll round up the fare, just say “keep the change”.
Anywhere else, it’s entirely up to you.
